Dating Means For Guys

Dating to me is the period of seeing someone before you become monogamous to see if this is a person you would like to spend more of your time with. If one immediately became boyfriend/girlfriend and the next day you find out they are into Satan and you’re not, wouldn’t it be nice to say “we are not as compatible as I thought” and move on….rather than to allready be someone’s SO based on being available? 

It can mean to estimate the age of something, as in ‘carbon dating’. That doesn’t mean going on dates with carbon and is probably not the kind of dating you mean. You probably mean either going on dates with different people or going out with someone. ‘Going out with someone’ actually sounds like a bit of an Anglicism.  seeing someone when they are entering into a relationship.

First, let’s look at the ‘going on dates’ interpretation of the word. A much over-rated activity which in movies usually looks exciting but in real life is something which incites dread in the average non-extrovert. It really means finding a context in which to get to know someone. Unfortunately it is usually an artificial context and the feeling that one is there to judge and be judged is never far from the surface. I once read that the fact that first dates often take place in restaurants already dooms most of them to failure since one thing that makes women tense is food and eating while one thing that makes men tense is money; so you take two strangers who desperately want to seem relaxed and immediately put them in a situation where they have to deal with food and money.

Speed dating is something which has captured the imagination of the public both as an activity to try out and as a televised spectator sport where the practical nature and cruel grotesqueness of the modern world and its haste and desperation confront the traditional idea of getting to know someone and gradually falling in love with them. ‘What do you do? How much do you make? What kind of music do you like? Next!’ It brings out the worst of our social and class prejudices but nevertheless has a morbid fascination because it does reflect something about our real priorities.

And then there is ‘dating’ as in to be in a relationship with someone. No doubt the term carries connotations of being in the early days of the relationship; still sizing each other up perhaps. If someone says ‘I’m dating this guy who’s really tidy’ you don’t imagine that they’ve been together for two years but more probably two months or maybe two weeks. That early dating period is the most exciting and, for many, a period they look back on with nostalgia; when he used to bring her flowers or she used to give him massages. However, it also seems to be a traumatic period for many; just look at the number of articles on dating, particularly in women’s magazines but also now in men’s magazines and on all the majors on the Internet. ‘Dating 101′, ‘Is he/she the right one for you? How to read the clues ‘Is he/she cheating on you?’ etc. etc. etc.

The fact that we need or heed the advice of so many ‘professionals’ in this field suggests that we’re all a little lost. Is it too much choice? Unrealistic expectations? More educated individuals with greater economic freedom allowing more mixing of socio-economic groups than would have occurred before? Who knows? Were we happier before when we dated and married people from our neighborhood and shared possibilities and expectations bound by social-economic background? It sounds horribly conservative, not to mention downright boring, to suggest such a hypothesis, but if sociologists and divorce statistics are to be believed it might just be that when it comes to dating our enhanced freedom of choice and freedom from parental and societal pressure actually leaves many of us in relationships which ultimately fail and which smug outsiders will describe as doomed from the beginning.

So, how to avoid such painful outcomes? Doing dating better could be one answer, for that is when we have the opportunity to gauge our compatibility with a potentially long-term partner. But how do we do dating better? I honestly don’t know how we can get our hands on that superior, more reliable compass, but a compass is what we need and you can see again and again how the most practical among us use one. It seems the rest of us are not well-equipped for the task and therefore simply not very good at it.

‘Real Life’ is different for different people. ‘Dating Rituals’ vary for different subgroups. Regarding rules, personally if I were to date someone who had a list of rules, I would quickly grow bored and move on. It does work for some. Rules like ‘guy pays’, ‘gal plays dumb’ or ‘gal feigns interest’ are all rules that generally end in tragedy either as a bad long-term relationship or no relationship at all. 

For my part, any successful relationship I have had has started out with honest interest, honest flirting, no games and yes sex. The non successful relationships started with gaming the system, dishonesty and ridiculous rules that served little purpose except some sort of power play. 
A ‘date’ is just a term for arranging to go somewhere, like the movies or a restaurant, or art gallery, park etc. with someone you like. 
that was his way of being funny but also telling you that he is interested in being more than just friends…. 

until you both pretty much agree to be mutually monogamous, you aren’t together… and if you haven’t actually gone on a real date, then you haven’t really dated. 

hanging out doesn’t count as a date unless you both agree to meet someplace specifically to hang out together. 
 provide a meeting place where millions of single people could meet each other, relax, be encouraged, entertained and feel happy, where every alone heart can find the soul mate,dating tips, because online dating is really a big chance to open your heart and to be heard.playing games,discover friends , you’ll meet new friends not only in your area but all over the world.

In the strictest sense however, just the word dating means to set dates with someone that you have more than a platonic interest in but not someone you are engaged or married to. Once you are married you only have ‘dates’ when you are so busy that you must designate time for the relationship.

Looking at those movies, I get the impression there are rules like: “never kiss a man at the first date” or “if he does not bring you to the door after the 2nd date he’s not interested”, etc I just made those up, but it seems there are such rules…. 

I think, that’s generally true with rules: if you now the rules, you can play with, it you can follow it and you can have fun following or breaking it. But if you don’t know them, and you break them, it’s just stupid and no fun . It’s like piano playing, as a beginner you have a hard time following the rules (notes) and when you break them you feel bad. Later you can play the notes perfectly, and follow the rules. But the virtuosos, knows the rules he can follow them and he can breaks them. he has fun with the rules…His breaking of rules is sooo much different than the beginners breaking, that’s why he’s call a virtuosos and not a beginner …

I can attest to this from my experiences. Any way other than the American way is good IMHO. Sorry if the comment sounds harsh. I am Indian(India) and I have also been clueless on many intricate dating nuances here. Funnily, the people I get along the best with are those with some kind of international/non-American dating outlook, where you meet someone, you like her, she likes you and you move on. Its very simple and straight forward. 

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